The Day is Long and I'm Already Tired

it is 8:59 in the morning. i was woken to the sound of my parents arguing where the closest play~it~again~sports was. i was gonna sleep until 10 today because yesterday was so exhausting. im just looking at facebook and skype and waiting for my best friend to get on and im realizing that i dont really have friends. all i wanna do is call someone and talk for a while but there is no one i feel comfortable with. even as i say this i feel bad because i know that is wrong i just have to jump out of my comfort zone, take my leap of faith and call or invite to do something. i think my comfort zone is more like a castle with a mote and it is really hard for me to let people in or out. but what about people with comfort zones like the house of straw from that first little pigs out of the tree little pigs. are those people flighty? do they have friends? what is the perfect comfort zone?

another thing i was thinking about was how i have never had a boyfriend. i know for sure that it's not because im fat. and even though im fat im not completely ugly. because i have seen people worse off than me and they are holding hands, making out... i just didnt understand. then i realized something last night. i dont know how to be a girlfriend. i wouldn't even know how to start. and there is not exactly and manual "How to Be a Girlfriend" like i dont even know the basics and ill be 20 soon. that makes me sad. that that i'll be 20 but that i have never had a significant other. although i do have mixed feelings about being 20.

gosh see now im complaining...