Look! A Bunny!

This is a bunny I saw near a block or so away

from Patina. It was not afraid of my car and it was not afraid of a person walking by and it was not afraid when i was snapping pictures of it. I fear for this bunny. a good fear of things keeps most animals alive longer... i really fear for this bunny's life.

Story Time

This is Gilbert and Gib

no I do not know him

Explanation: My mom and I went to Ikea to shop for college things and stuff for my room that i recently rearranged. So I walked around the showrooms while my mom sat and read her book. I found some fun stuff and when I went back to mom to show her the things I liked we passed the bin of these stuffed dogs. i just picked one up and it fit so perfectly and was so comfortable that I just held it. I told my mom that i would carry it around the store then put it back when were done. But as we got farther and deeper into the showrooms I forgot that I was carrying him. (I got the male vibe from the stuffed animal, I don't know.) I got some weird looks and i didn't get why until i realized i was still carrying the dog. mom asked me if i wanted it for my birthday and i nodded.

when we were in line to check out there was an couple behind us and the guy mentioned that the ikea stuffed animals were very animated and emotional. then we started talking.. about college, and stuff for college, and being a Community Advisor for college people, then we got back to the dog. i said "I still need to name him" and he said "well my name is Gib, and Gib backwards is Big and he certainly is a big dog. Or Gilbert, but no one gets to call me that and it's rather unusual..." That was it. i knew it. Gilbert. Perfect.

Then just before we left i asked to take a picture with my disposable camera of Gib and Gilbert. and than i rrrraaaaannnnnn!!! well not really...

The Day is Long and I'm Already Tired

it is 8:59 in the morning. i was woken to the sound of my parents arguing where the closest play~it~again~sports was. i was gonna sleep until 10 today because yesterday was so exhausting. im just looking at facebook and skype and waiting for my best friend to get on and im realizing that i dont really have friends. all i wanna do is call someone and talk for a while but there is no one i feel comfortable with. even as i say this i feel bad because i know that is wrong i just have to jump out of my comfort zone, take my leap of faith and call or invite to do something. i think my comfort zone is more like a castle with a mote and it is really hard for me to let people in or out. but what about people with comfort zones like the house of straw from that first little pigs out of the tree little pigs. are those people flighty? do they have friends? what is the perfect comfort zone?

another thing i was thinking about was how i have never had a boyfriend. i know for sure that it's not because im fat. and even though im fat im not completely ugly. because i have seen people worse off than me and they are holding hands, making out... i just didnt understand. then i realized something last night. i dont know how to be a girlfriend. i wouldn't even know how to start. and there is not exactly and manual "How to Be a Girlfriend" like i dont even know the basics and ill be 20 soon. that makes me sad. that that i'll be 20 but that i have never had a significant other. although i do have mixed feelings about being 20.

gosh see now im complaining...

Groups, Sunburn and the Zoo

i had something to say... really. i was thinking about it on my drive home to day along with examining the giant red islands that have shown up on my arm and behind my knees. i know, you know when you think of something you need then you quickly walk into another room with buckets of purpose and then realize you dont remember what you wanted.. well my and the rest of the world's solution is to go back to the place you were when you thought of it. thats what ill do! ill go back...

morning::

i had to wake up early. not happy about that. umm didnt take a shower im ashamed to say. not happy about that either. went to work!

hmm still cant remember im going senile ..

OK at work today was ZOO DAY!! well it sounds like a good idea but the actual follow through of taking 26 kids to the zoo in the blazing heat and scorching heat... harder than the words look there. i actually had it rather easy because i was in charge of 5 children all above the age of 7 who were always checking in and talkative and were wearing bright recognizable shirts and would listen to me. so i had it better than some. so other than sunburn and going on the teacups it was a good day for me and my group at the zoo. BUT JUST GONNA SAY NOW I HATE HATE HATE THE TEACUPS!!! i mean i love roller coasters and tall rides and rides that go up~side~down... but spiny rides are CRAP! awful. very bad. very unpleasant. my stomach is churning just to think of it. the world in a horrible spin. and that stupid cute guy trying to help me out of the tiny teacup. BAD.

after zoo:

sick. sick on the car ride home. i had to sit in a crunched position whenever i could which made me feel mildly better.. then i had a lot f energy when i felt better so i could play and clean up. that was great.

drive home:

here is where i thought: i should do a post to day... about ....................... gosh it is not coming to me! i was listening to the radio and i was thinking about making the popular songs that i was singing along to into ukulele covers! THAT WOULD BE FREAKING AWESOME! and would make me very happy. im trying to learn how to play the ukulele!

you know i did think of something. i was cleaning my room the other day and i found a disposable camera and i have been carrying it around and i took it to the zoo and i showed it to the childrens and i explained to them that no, you could not see the picture after you took it because it went on to film not a little card. and that you had to wind after every picture or you would be stuck! when i develope them im put them up and explain the fun ones.

thats all chillins.

bb

First and Finest

i was just super bored and chilling in the basement with nothing to do. i felt like getting my insignificant thoughts on ... online i guess usually i try to get them on paper. the thought that someone might read this is scary ... even though the likelihood of someone reading this is slim it still scares me. then why did i make a blog? i dont know ... i was younger and more aspiring than now.

any-spray...

we're having our hall and entryway floored , and that dear reader is why i am camping in the basement. im sitting next to my dog whom i love dearly but who does not feel the same about me ... she is the reason we ... no my mom is spending thousands of $$$ on a new floor... she is so old and she pees on the carpet esp. that hallway it was getting pretty bad.. and probably smelly but we would never notice because we live in it and get used to it even thought im not okay with that. but my dog is old... and im frightened more than i can put in words that someday ill come in to find my beautiful old puppy... im tearing up... i cant even type it.

ok, anywhoo...

im using Healthé Trim, people of the world. yes that is right, i am sick and tired of being fat! HA i can type that! but obviously not that tired because im not following all the rules. but really... people tell me you're beautiful on the inside! i dont think i even have that anymore. what if im just ugly in and out. i have spent all of my life trying to convince myself that the world has it wrong. that i am beautiful and that i have to show them! but no. years of that have picked away at my soul and now i just want people to look at me and see beautiful instead of staring and thinking fat and ugly. there is this song by 2NE1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGe0hHvAGkc

there you go. and i almost cried (really i dont usually cry this much.. these incidences are spaced out pretty well) -- because they HAVE NO IDEA WHAT UGLY FEELS LIKE how people stare... how people judge... how you fantasize about being different... no they are not ugly and i dont think they can know what its like...

on that happy note... nothing else right now...

bb friends

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." thanks anne frank.. make me feel bad